My mother in law speaks with a Mayan accent. A thick one. I wish you could hear it, someday you will and I promise you that you will die of laughter.  This is all relevant in the case of the “Holland Cheese.”

So one day while shopping at Sam’s Club, my mother in law had bought a round piece of cheese wrapped in red packaging that apparently was the best cheese she had ever had, but she could not remember what the name of the cheese was, other than the fact that on the package it had the word Holland on it.

She called the Sam’s Club where she bought the cheese and in her very thick accent proceeded to ask the clerk on the phone if they “had the halland chese” the clerk did not understand. Of course.

Again.

MIL:”Do you have the halland chese?!”

Clerk:”What”

MIL: “HALLAND CHESE!”

Clerk: “Ma’am I don’t know what you are asking for.”

MIL: “HALLAND CHESE! HALLAND CHESE! HALLAND CHESE!!!!

Clerk hangs up.

My mother in law proceeds to call the store back and scream into the phone “HALLAND CHEESE!”  slam down the phone several times and hang up.

I then had to help by calling the store for her and asking if they had Gouda cheese. The clerk said yes, its $6.99. My mother in law calmly said thank you and acted like nothing had happened. I did the same. But I will never forget the incident of the “HALLAND CHESE.”

~The Nihilist